i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
