I have demons in me.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
