i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so let's talk penis.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
