all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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