i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
