I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
