i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
we should paint friendship bongs
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