I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
