I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
