If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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