I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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