Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
