Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
