Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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