Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
