Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
