She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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