i think my tv is drunk
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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