I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
