Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
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i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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