Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
