I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
