Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize