we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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