Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
