Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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