He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
