There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
