if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
