I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
