I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
