I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
