Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
