I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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