I cannot find my penis.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just pee around me
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
