i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
