Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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