Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
