thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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