last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
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