i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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