Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
