you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize
