OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
