You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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