Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
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It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
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Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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