why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
