he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
