You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
