No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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