i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize