maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
