i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
