Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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