The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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