the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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