He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
