my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
