He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
