im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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