You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Michael Bay diarrhea
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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