Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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