I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
