Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize