Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
