just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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