i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
two words: eviction party
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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