I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
