I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
