i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
