Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
