Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
