Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's shark week go big or go home
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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