false alarm. still invincible.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
