I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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