i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
