hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
