This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
