Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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