Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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