I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
