I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
