She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
