omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
