I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
