i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
