I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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