Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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