if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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